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(Editor's note: We apologize for very little new and fresh content in the past several weeks from TDJR. With the economy the way it is and the election of Barack Obama, it is very difficult to make any jokes about them. Thank God we have Joe Biden and the yet to be chosen new White House dog to make fun of. Just remember, unlike your IRA or job, we will always be here...just stay tuned and thank you for your loyal readership.)
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
When asked what he thought of his wife Hillary possibly being asked to be
Barak Obama's Secretary of State, Bill replied softly: “Shh don't say
nuthin ya hear. I asked ole Barack there to do me a favor and I owe him.
Please offer her the job. I’ll talk her into it and than the favor Lord,
please hire her. After spending almost 2 years on the road campaigning for her, I
can't do it no more. I can’t keep finding that many nice things to say
about that woman anymore. Plus it gets her out of the house...and I got lots of hallways and a 24 hour dry cleaners down the block. Wonder how they got there?”
The LA County Coroners office was burned to the ground as part of those raging
fires out there. That brings up a load of questions that only the most
inquisitive minds want to know about:
1- What is the fireman's job, to go in and rescue as many dead as possible?
Do they share their air mash yelling at them to breathe?
2- If they were already dead, does this mean they get burned alive? Good
deal. Real life burned zombies. (see movie deal.)
3- If there are upper floors and a fireman is trapped up there with a corpse
of an old lady who if she was alive couldn’t handle the stairs, and she
especially can't be still dead. So if he gets her to the window, does
he tell her to jump? Well actually they tell the fireman with her to push.
Do they go and get that big net and have all the guys hold it to catch
usually jumping live people. We were told that in these instances they
forgo the net and just get a bucket, mop and a squeegee.
4- In a prepared response that gets used all the time for situations like
these, we guess it happens more often than we realized, the spokesperson
said that it was a terrible tragedy, but his firefighters did all they
could but there were no survivors.
4a- In a side note, it seams quite often that a lot of funeral homes and
coroner offices make excellent meth labs. Well we all know what happens to
a meth lab if you mix or cook too long. Like a nice plate of homemade
brownies, you blow the place sky high.
5- How embarrassing it must be for some sick necrophiliac who is all alone
with a batch of fresh dead bodies. Well as he is taking one for a road
test, the place gets engulfed in fire and that’s how they find him, a hunka
hunka burnin love.
That is such a stupid fetish. You want to have sex or know what it feels like
to have sex with a dead person. Marry a nice girl, very religious, who puts
out before marriage and starts gaining weight little by little after a few
years. When you finally climb Mount Everest, it might as well be dead as
she moves and makes as much noise as a mountain. Now she and the mountain
actually say the same thing,”Will you get off of me now?”
We can’t wait for the new reality show this year. It's a new version for their
13th season marking the change in the landscape of America. While many
of us think it is a wonderful time of community and coming together,
unfortunately there are some who will take any and every opportunity to spread their
racist hate mongering. It is in that spirit that the 'Reverend' Al Sharpton will be the host of the new edition of the Amazing Race. It will be Al Sharpton starring in the
Amazing Racist.
Speaking of reality, NASA astronauts are presently testing a new device aboard the space shuttle Endeavor. It recycles urine back to water so they can have a limitless supple of fresh water. Boy, we used to make jokes about the astronauts drinking Tang…wow…the new stuff kinda even looks like that coming out. We thought making water into wine was a miracle. Hope there weren’t any blind taste tests. It’s gonna be a bitch doing the laundry with that stuff.
Friday, November 14, 2008
One of the first moves President elect Barak Obama plans to do after his inauguration is plan on one small change. He decided not to play 'Hail to the Chief' but rather something more appropriate for the moment...the theme from the TV show, 'The Jefferson's...everybody......'We're moving on up.'
Barak Obama, although being the President elect, had said he will not be attending the G-20 summit. Although the other members and Presidents of other countries will be there, Obama still politely refused. The real reason for not attending the G-20 conference we heard was that he is not a big fan of bingo and how can they play bingo for three days and not know that the 20 isn't in the G column. He added on the side that foreign policy was definitely going to be tougher than he thought.
We have now realized that the toughest job at CNBC belongs to someone off camera. Yes, there are many that make the show work who aren't seen, but no one is more important than her, unfortunately for us guys. This is the woman who's in charge of that one button on the front of the tight, form fitting, leave nothing to the imagination, who keeps it from popping open and unleashing the massive 41515151510 on to wood, I mean Wall Street. When is she retiring?
Wednesday, November 12, 2008